Are you trying to win? Or win them over?

Dale Carnegie says that the only way to get someone to do something that you want them to do is to make them want to do it themselves. If you are always trying to win, then you are fighting. It doesn’t matter whether you are using logic or a club then you are not communicating. Communication takes practice. Good communicators do not focus on winning. Good communicators practice the art of communication and compromise. Good communication is not winning, but winning others over.

Logic rarely works

Anyone who has tried to argue with children can tell you that logic never works. The same is true with adults. When you couple logic with emotions. then you have a better chance of effective communication. Humor, anger, virtue, pride, happiness, excitement or even irony can be very effective communication tools. When emotionally involving the participant in the conversation, there is a better chance of creating a situation that they may want to do what you want them to do. Using logic as a tool to “win” an argument is not effective. Incorporating emotional connections into the conversation will bring better results.

Anger prompts action

It has been proven that people who are angry are more prone to action. However, this type of emotional involvement might not result in the type of action you are looking for. A hole in the wall or a black eye is not the result we are after in most communication efforts. Creating the emotion of anger in someone is one sure way to get results. The problem is that the results may not be predictable nor the one you want.

Humor Is A Connector

The ability to use humor in communication efforts will almost always elicit good response even when the co-communicator is not prone to your opinion. The challenge here is to get the other party to see the humor in the situation. A recent conversation with my niece about combing her hair is a good example. She hates to comb her hair as it is long and pulls when being brushed out after sleeping. She would go forever without combing her hair if allowed to do so. On a recent 2-day sleepover; on day one no amount of convincing on my part could get her to allow me to comb her hair. She is 5 years old. We ended up going out and about with her hair looking like a rat’s nest. I am sure that people we met thought I was terrible for allowing her out like that. It was that or anger! I chose the rat’s nest. Day 2 brought a new scenario. I got up and did not comb my hair. My hair always comes out of bed looking like a total lunatic. Flat on one side, sticking straight out on the other and in 10 different directions all over. If I went out in public anyone who would see me surely would think I escaped from the insane asylum. We got ready to go to “Special Persons” day at kindergarten and I asked her if I could comb her hair, and she said no. I said That’s ok, me neither, I’m not combing my hair either. She looked at me and we both laughed and we ate breakfast. After breakfast she went upstairs and combed her hair and we both laughed at mine again and I combed mine and we went to school. Three things happened here. I allowed her to win. She didn’t have to comb her hair if she didn’t want, we laughed together, and she chose to comb her hair. The emotion of humor coupled with me not “needing” to win, allowed her to make her own choice. When I stopped trying to win, I won her over!

Emotions always sell

In sales, when someone has an emotional experience they buy. The same is true in almost all communications. When children at an assembly laugh and become emotionally involved in te Debbie Banana performance, they leave the assembly with a decision to “buy” what I am attempting to convince them of (Eat five fruits and vegetables a day and macaroni and cheese in a box is bad for them.) Learning to communicate on a level of connection takes practice. It is easier to depend on convincing people of our way through logic than it is to take the time to actually learn their motivations and then make an emotional commitment to connect. People buy with their emotions. They view products and services emotionally and they also buy into what it is you are communicating when they are emotionally involved.

Practice the 10 second rule

When you practice the 10 second rule it is easier to connect emotionally and become a better communicator. The 10 second rule is that you share for 10 seconds or less and ask a question. Hear what the person says, and share again with clarifying information regarding what they said for 10 seconds or less, then ask another question. The 10 second rule keeps you open to communicate emotionally as you learn more about the other party instead of getting into the “winning” mentality. Winners rarely get what they want. Communicators, on the other hand, allow the other party to win and then win them over to their way of thinking through emotional connections. The 10 second rule is awesome and takes continued practice and focus.

Do You Network For A Living? What Is Network Marketing?

Paul Zane Pilsner says that network marketing is the wave of the future. Network marketing is the right industry to be in now and into the future. What is networking? Working the net? What does that mean? A net is defined as an interconnected web. Working is the act of creating results. Networking is working or creating results using a net. Networking for a living is the generation of cash flow or creating a living by using your net of interconnected people. A network marketing business utilizes the net created by the structure of collaboration between other like-minded individuals so that all involved will benefit from the increased results as a result of the interconnected network.

Are you networking?

I am networking today at an all day seminar-fair focused on wellness. Many of the participants do not understand what networking means. Some of the people here think that it is called net-sitting. They are sitting behind their tables, or sitting alone just waiting for others to connect with them. The action of working the net is required to create the connection. It is networking, not net-sitting.

Collaboration Creates Results Squared

The network grows and becomes more powerful when more net workers become involved in working the net. I cannot network with the women who set themselves apart from the group and do not participate. When two people network, they create results that square the results that they could have created as an individual. Two people create 4 times the results as one. Three people create 9 times the results as one and so on. I have networked with a dozen or more people today. I have participated with these individuals and they participated with me. We collaborated and created a net of common ground that will benefit all of us into the future. Others, such as the women I lunched with, only traded business cards with me. That is not networking. It is wasting business cards. When you are networking you are creating a net of common ground of interest. You cannot network with someone who does not want to participate. Trading cards with uninterested parties is not networking. At lunch we net-ate. Have you ever gone to an event or a party to network, and found yourself net-eating? Just hanging out with business people eating. Not collaborating on creating a business net to benefit all involved?

Effective Networking Skills

Networking is a skill that takes focus to get good at. It is all about attitude! I am not an expert, and it does not necessarily come naturally to me. I know though that I can create benefits and results for both myself and fellow net workers when I put my focus on doing it effectively. The first part of being an effective networker is to be willing to step out of your comfort zone and to decide that you are going to network. Just like good salesmanship, networking requires a focus outside yourself. Frequently, I get into networking situations that the other party only talks about him or herself. As a matter of fact, and I am sure everyone has this issue, I must make a concentrated effort to keep the focus on others when I am talking and be an active listener when they are talking. The way I do this is to keep my side of the conversation to 10 seconds or less and ask a question. Then share 10 seconds or less with clarifying information, based on the answer they gave and ask another question. Sometimes, when I hear myself rambling on about my personal interests or business, I just pull a question out of my head quickly, anything, even if it doesn’t relate. I say anything that will put on the brakes to my own talking. In this manner, I find that I am always able to find common ground with my fellow networker. Sometimes I have the ability to further their business and sometimes it is the other way around. Either way the collaborating efforts pay off.

The proof is in the follow-up

The other piece in effective networking is the follow-up. For me, a quick encounter in networking always requires some quick notes, as well. I have learned that it is OK to actually write things down during the networking process. If I do not jot down a note, then I may not remember the experience or the promises I made. It also shows the other party that you plan to be serious about your connection. Your follow-up should then take place within 48 hours after the networking experience. Whether it is an email, phone call or mailing, making the follow-up is key to the results of your networking experience. Building a net of support that works for you is what networking is all about.

Networking Is The Industry Of The Future

This event is not a huge event. It is not the high level networking event I expected, yet I know phenomenal opportunity will come my way as a result of my networking efforts. A commitment to the process of networking will always result in a net that works in your business for the future. The point is to use compound interest to leverage every situation to your benefit and that of those you are collaborating with. You never really know where the net you create today will take you in the future. Networking is the industry of the 21st century. Next time you are in a networking situation, plan to network and make a decision to do so. Be sure that you do not net-sit, net-eat, net-complain, net-read the newspaper, net….

Do You Have A Direct Sales Success Attitude?

Are you a business leader or a needer?

Do you need people to do business with you, or do you run a success-focused business? Leaders know that they are a success with or without the person standing in front of them. Needers, on the other hand, are always in a needy position. A person running a need-based business is dependent on the answer of the person in front of them to feel successful or meet their needs. Here is a list of needy attitudes and a list of Success or Leader attitudes. We all bounce back and forth between the two sides. Where do you reside more often?

Sales Need-ers VS Sales Leaders

Sales leaders are have an entirely different attitude than a consultant who always NEEDs sales! The list below shows you the difference in a need based attitude VS a professional leader attitude.

Convince vs Qualify
Persuade vs Sort
Trick vs Attract
Tell people it’s easy vs Tell people it takes effort
Live in fear vs Are determined
Worry about competition vs Participate in collaboration
Give & take vs Give and receive
Have excuses vs Have reasons
Say I can’t vs Say how can I
Say but vs Say and
Recruit vs Sponsor
Find bookings vs Schedule
Work vs Create/focus
Entertainment vs Education

Need Attitude VS Success Attitude

Where do you spend most of your time? Think about it. We all operate on both sides of the fence so where do you spend most of your time?  Are you leaning more toward the needy side or the leader’s side?  Success is an attitude. If you are constantly struggling with your business, maybe you deserve to reconsider your focus and create an attitude adjustment for yourself. Move your thoughts and actions to the success based side of life and change your “luck”.

Do you have a NEED attitude or a success based attitude? You can change that you know!

Direct Sales Leader Training

The direct sales training program, Power UP For Professional Results is a marketing program for direct selling consultants who want to be leaders.  It is a program of professional attitude based systems that teaches you where to find an unlimited amount of business and how to do it with a success based attitude.

Debbie Banana And The Mad Scientist is a Fun Assembly

Most of you know that my speaking services have dual interest. I speak as much on health as I do on home business cash flow. Today I presented the hilariously funny school assembly Debbie Banana And The Mad Scientist 4 times! The Coudersport Elementary School in Coudersport, PA invited me to present two assemblies to the students and two to the parents coming this evening to the parent-teacher night. Debbie Banana teaches the kids that they will grow up to be healthy when they eat 5 fruits and vegetables a day. The Mad Scientist teaches them what is really in that box of macaroni and cheese. The evening events were a short adult version of the same assembly, so that the parents are also experiencing what the kids learned.

The Assembly Impacted Their Lives

Even though the day was really long, this was a unique experience that I really appreciated. Most of the time when I present in schools, I do the assembly, talk briefly to the kids and leave. Today I have had the privilege of spending the entire day here. During the afternoon at the school I really became aware of how much impact the program has on the kids. I had many students come up me and high-five me. (The program teaches five fruits and veggies and that there are 5 ingredients in wholesome  homemade macaroni and cheese.) A small shy girl from the kindergarten level who came back in the evening with her Dad hesitantly told me that she ate carrots for a snack. I had several kids actually say that they would never eat macaroni in a box again for the rest of their lives. In the evening parents were coming to the workshop early because their kids had been talking so much about the assembly. I really enjoyed being involved in the whole day at Couldersport Elementary School and receiving all of the positive feed back.

Emotions Create More Learning

The drive home was long and the moon hung over the highway like a wedge of orange hanging in the sky. I had a lot of time to think. When presenting to adults, I know that participation creates more learning. Debbie Banana And The Mad Scientist is not your typical boring school assembly. Kids have fun, laugh and get involved. Everyone shops or buys with their emotions. I realize now how effective this program is due to the emotional involvement that the children have when participating in the event. Everyone learns and invests in life based on their emotions. Like a home party, when an assembly engages the kids, they have fun in school and become emotionally involved. This creates an immediate impact in their lives now and for the future. My mission is to change the way kids eat now and into the future. I made good progress toward that goal today.

Prioritize Your Health

I am impressed with some of the schools and school principals like Mrs. Sherry Cowburn at Coudersport Elementary School that prioritize the healthy education of the children. Unfortunately, many Americans, as well as schools, only give lip service to a desire for health. Money, prestige, and education are useless when you give away your gift of health. When more schools begin to really prioritize wellness education, maybe we will begin to overcome some of the obesity issues in the US. Click Here For Info On The School Assemblies.

You Can Change Bad Habits

Your bad habits did not come about overnight and they will not go away overnight. There are three simple steps to changing a bad habit and creating a new habit. A habit, good or bad, is something you do automatically and without thinking. Basically a habit is a choice you make so many times that you no longer have to consciously choose because it becomes second nature. The habit of brushing your teeth is not a decision you consciously make each day, as in “Today I will brush my teeth.” It is something that you do automatically. Any choice, good or bad. can become just as automatic as brushing your teeth when you choose it often enough that it becomes second nature.

Three Steps To Change A Habit

Here are the three simple steps to changing a bad habit to a good one:
Become aware of the bad habit
Become willing to change and make a decision to do so
Make a good choice one day at a time-one choice at a time for 51 days

Recognizing a habit is the first step to change. Do you have a habit that you perceive as bad? What bad habit would make you a more effective business person when you overcome it? Create a list of several of your bad habits. A few habits that may be affecting your work are:

Chronically late
Not returning phone calls
Talking too much and not listening
Eating fast food every day
Not keeping promises
Procrastination
Negative self talk
Not paying bills on time
Allowing the mail to pile up

The list could go on for ever! Make your own list of bad habits, and then highlight the top three that you would like to change. Over the next few days, become more aware of how these habits affect your life and business. Start a list for each bad habit and jot down the consequences of each habit. If your bad habit is chronically late, the consequences may include:  embarrassing the kids, missing appointments, clients perceive you as not being professional, etc. Then take it a step further and list the long-term effects of continuing to live with this bad habit. People who are chronically late waste money on cancellation fees. You may be developing the same habit in your children, possibly long term you will lose business because of your habit of showing up late for shows. Take a couple of days to become acutely aware of the 3 habits you have decided to focus on and the consequences they bring to your life.

Make A Decision

Before you can change you have to make a decision to change. Once you decide which of your bad habits that is giving you the most grief, then make a decision. One of those three you picked will become the most obvious candidate to focus your efforts on changing. Decide which habit you are going to change and make a list of choices you can make instead of the bad choices or habit. For example, the chronically late person may decide to begin preparation to leave for an appointment a good hour before the appointed departure time. A chronically late person may set an alarm so that they become aware that the departure time is approaching. Or maybe wearing a watch would be a new choice. Make a list of changes or choices you can make in your life that will result in a new habit. Decide to make those choices! Making a decision is the most important step here. It can be easy to see what you want to change and without a decision, nothing will change. Make a decision to create a new habit. I have decided to be on time to all my appointments one day at a time-one appointment at a time. The decision coupled with the list of better choices will put you on track for changing your bad habit and creating a good habit.

Follow Up

The final step is to do it. The follow up is key. Life is a continuous string of choices. You can choose to perpetuate your bad habit or you can choose to create your new habit. Take each choice one choice at a time, one day at a time and do it. You did not decide to do it for the rest of your life. That would be pretty overwhelming. Today you can do it. Then tomorrow you can decide again to do it. Just keep the follow-through. Keep making a choice that will grow a new habit. You can make a good choice each time you have a choice to make.

Simple-Not Easy

I said it was simple to create a good habit. I did not say it was easy.It is definitely a simple process to become aware of your choices and make the best choice you can one choice at a time and create a new habit. If it was easy, then we would have no bad habits. Everyone is not willing to change, because change is uncomfortable and requires effort. You did not develop your bad habits overnight, so do not expect to create new habits overnight. It will take 6-8 days of good choices to even feel a little bit comfortable with the new you. At 16 days you will begin to get a routine going. When you have performed your new habit for 51 days you can congratulate yourself on creating a new habit. Now the new habit will be second nature, just like brushing your teeth.

Choose another habit and continue on the path to more successes!

The keys to success in business are like a recipe. As a former chef and still a food geek, I equate most things to food. A recipe is nothing more than a formula that creates a finished dish. The key to success in anything is to have a formula, recipe or system that works. Everyone who uses a recipe, formula or system will get the same results. When you make pecan pie and I make pecan pie using the same recipe it will come out the same. When you follow the same formula or system in your business that I do, you will get the same results. Here is a system that is the key to success in business. Every entrepreneur who incorporates all of these key ingredients into his or her business will have a successful business.

16 Key Ingredients For Business Success

There are 16 key ingredients necessary for the creation of a successful business. When you incorporate them all into your business philosophy, you will have what it takes to create your own business successes.

1. Dream Big

Dream big because massive dreams will achieve mighty big results. Create a vision for your future that is massive and visualize yourself living it. No one ever dreams too big and wishes that they had not gotten there.

2. Visualize Your Dreams

Keep your mission and dreams in your mind’s eye everyday. Write out a brief mission statement in the present tense describing your ideal life and stay focused on the results you are striving for. Create affirmations that validate your dream and fill your mind day and night with them. Remember the old saying: “As you think, you shall be.”

3. Become Committed To Your Mission

The very definition of commitment is that you will never give up until you achieve what you have decided to commit to. Create your vision or mission and commit to achieving it. When you become willing to go to any length to achieve your goals, you will always get where you want to go.

4. Be Consistent

Take small steps everyday. Consistent daily progress is more effective than huge progress intermittently. Everything does not have to be perfect to proceed. Take small steps every day to move forward on a consistent basis.

5. Live Outside Of Your Comfort Zone

When you are uncomfortable you are growing. You must always stretch your comfort zone in order to grow into your new person as well as in your business. Successful entrepreneurs make a habit out of living outside their comfort zone so that they are always experiencing something new.

6. Use Your Intuition

Your subconscious mind is capable of making better decisions than your conscious or analytical mind. Truly successful business owners learn how to allow their intuition to work without overriding it through conscious analysis. Your conscious mind frequently makes mistakes because of too many details getting into the picture. Frequently snap decisions will be better decisions. Use and act on your intuition, even if you do not understand it.

7. Recognize What The Worst Case Scenario Is

The catering industry is one which is overrun with daily problems and perceived disasters. An expression we often used to keep things in perspective was “no one ever dies”. Don’t focus on minor details that could go wrong and allow them to stop you from moving closer to your mission. Successful business owners make more mistakes than those not so successful because they are willing to take risks. What’s the worst that can happen? I mean really!

8. Keep Track Of Progress

Anything that is measured or watched will improve. Keeping tabs on your progress. Measuring progress will keep momentum moving forward. Anything that is of any significance for your business should be charted or monitored. You get what you focus on so measure your progress regularly. This absolutely works!

9. Manage Your Affairs

Anything not managed will deteriorate. Don’t give yourself the luxury of procrastination, laziness, or the “I can’t” attitude. Successful business owners own their business, which means they manage their affairs.

10. Collaborate With Like-Minded Individuals

When you network and collaborate with others who have similar missions, your efforts are cubed. Two people in collaboration have 4 times the results as one. Three people working together achieve 9 times the results as one, and so on. Success is easier with partners, even when those partners could be perceived as competition.

11. Solve Your Own Problems

Analyze your problems and seek solutions yourself. When you look for other people to solve your problems you will always be looking for an easier, softer way. Using steps 8, 9, and 10 of this recipe create systems to solve your business problems. This will give you an edge in the market place.

12. Hire Professional Experts

You cannot be good at everything. If paying someone $10, $40, $85, or $100 per hour to do something that is slowing you down, then pay it. It may be tech support, a baby sitter, or cleaning lady or even a lawyer. I personally pay an accountant each month to look at my checkbooks because the amount of time I would have to spend to do it right can be better spent on what I do best. You cannot achieve your mission when you are bogged down on details that you are not good at or that are slowing you down.

13. Realize That Life Is Never Fair

When you understand that life is never fair, then you will not be disappointed as often. Most of the time when you are looking at others and their businesses, you are only seeing how they look from the outside, or from a distance. Don’t compare how you feel to how they look. Life is not meant to be fair.

14. Don’t Take Things Personally

People are always acting from their own space. When you recognize that what other people think, do or say about you is not about you, it will free you up to move forward at a comfortable rate. Don’t let what other people think about you change your mission. Setbacks in business are not deliberately stacked against you. Bad things do happen to good people. Don’t take things personally.

15. Don’t Take Your Self Too Seriously

We do not have as much control as we think we do. Lighten up. Have fun with what you do. If you do not enjoy it, don’t do it. Make fun of yourself. Sleep well at night, knowing you did the best you could today and get over what ever you thought should have been different. We are not on earth for a long time. We are here to have a good time.

16. Smile Like A Tiger

You can always find a reason to smile and show your teeth. This is the single most important ingredient in this recipe because it is the one that creates success in all the others. Smiling creates power for you and for everyone around you.

A Recipe or System Works For Everyone

A Recipe or System Works For Everyone. So there you have it….Deb Bixler’s secret recipe for success. A good recipe, like a system or best business practice, will work for everyone who follows it. Remember that you committed to your mission in step three of this recipe. There is an old Chinese proverb that says that “The temptation to quit is greatest just before you are about to succeed.” Incorporating these 16 keys into your life will create success in both your business and personal life.

I teach business systems that when applied to your business will create successful results. The Create A Cash Flow Show CD set is a system of systems that will create a consistent cash flow in any home party business. Businesses and people never fail, only systems fail. If the system you are using is not working, then try another one that has worked for others. To learn more about Create A Cash Flow Show click Here.

Want To Stop Procrastinating?

Are you a procrastinator? Procrastination can be overcome or stopped when you understand what causes it. We all procrastinate to a point. It is not necessarily a bad thing unless it starts to affect the rest of your life or the ability to produce income. Just like the David Letterman Show, here are the top 6 reasons why e procrastinate, in reverse order.

#6: Reason Why = Haven’t Really Committed to Doing the Job

One reason why you may chronically put off an activity because you never really committed to doing it. This happens frequently when a spouse asks you to do something, and you say yes to keep the peace. It also happens often when you have a job and someone else is telling you what to do. You might think it’s not your job or somebody else’s job, or you just think the project is a waste of time.
Think about:
• What’s in it for me if I do it? The answer to this may increase your motivation
• What are the consequences if I don’t do it?

#5: You Procrastinate Because You Have Fear

It is hard for many of us to admit our fears. Fear may be keeping you from doing a job you need and want to do. If you can identify your reluctance as fear and track it to its source, you can deal with the fear and get on with the job. Here are three of the most common fears.
• Fear of failure: How about the student who never studies and flunks out. He can always tell himself, “If I had studied, I would have passed the stupid course.” But what if he had studied–and still failed?
• Fear of success: If you pass, people will expect you to do it again, or to go out and get a job, or to apply what you’ve learned. If you never try, you’ll never have to face the consequences of success, either.
• Fear of finishing: “If I pass the course, I’ll graduate. If I graduate, I’ll have to…..” It is sad to let such fears prevent you from ever trying. The fear won’t go away. But if the goal is worth pursuing, you’ll be able to act despite the fear.

#4: You Procrastinate Because The Project Does Not Have A High Priority For You

You’re sold on the idea that somebody ought to do the task. You’ll even agree that you’re the person to do it. You may even want to do it. This sort of procrastination problem may eventually work itself out. As the other tasks get done, those leaf-filled gutters work their way up the list. Or the problem may take on a higher priority after the first hard rain of the season.

#3: You Procrastinate Because You Do Not Have Enough Knowledge

Learn to discern between the legitimate need to gather information and a stalling mechanism whereby reading the book or going to talk to the guy at the hardware store is simply a way to put off confronting the job. If your problem is “lack of want to” rather than lack of information, you’ll need a different strategy, namely, what to do when…

#2: You Procrastinate Because You Just Don’t Want To Do It

On a 1 to 10 scale, giving Scoobie a bath rates a minus 2. It isn’t merely unpleasant. It isn’t just disgusting. It’s downright dangerous. He doesn’t like a bath. Last time you tried this little experiment in torture, you wound up scratched, the dog was traumatized, and the bathroom looked like a tidal wave had hit it. The fleas are back. Scoobie is scratching. If you don’t do something, and fast, you’ll have fleas all over the house.
You’ve got two choices, and you don’t need a book on time management to tell you what they are:
• Do It
• Delegate it

The REAL Reason Why We Procrastinate

And the real reason we procrastinate, the number one reason we procrastinate is that: we have something else we would rather do more!

You have some host calls to make and you decide to do so, after you fix a cup of tea, then sit down to make the calls and real quick check the email. Thirty minutes later after responding to a friend, the tea is cold. Let’s go warm it up and get to those calls. While in the kitchen, let’s get that dishwasher unloaded, and heading back up to the office the phone rings and you chat to Mom for 20 minutes. Now, it is time to hit the calls and uh-oh, it is 9:15, too late to make calls now! Has a similar scenario happened to you?

How To Stop Procrastinating

Truly, we allow things that we prefer to do more stop from doing what we intend.
Procrastination is nothing more than allowing more enjoyable tasks come first. We procrastinate because we like to do something else better. You can stop procrastinating when you understand this and begin to take responsibility for you choices and keep procrastination in check. Overcome procrastination by making choices.